Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

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Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Hoss on Sat Oct 13, 2012 2:11 am

Spoiler:
It had been weeks since Hoss had even heard from his father. To be honest the last conversation he had with him wasn't one he wanted to relive. It was pretty soon after Hoss had joined Solstice, after he was healed by Trevor. His father had come around his place and tried to talk to him. Words were exchanged, Hoss found out that his father was sobering up and wanted to go through some of the meeting stuff together. He wanted to get Hoss some help as he put it, to see someone together to sort of work through everything that had happened. Hoss got upset, really upset. He told his father off.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

The night after their argument Hoss had went on a mission to work with Haze. It was the one where he had nearly been shot but managed to save his hide. He was still kind of upset about Trevor and their falling out at the time and he hadn't really been too keen on the idea of going to him with an injury. So, instead of that, he had taken care of his injured hand himself. It had healed easily enough but there was still a small scar on the webbing between his thumb and index finger where the gun barrel had pinched him. He wished he had kept the gun now but there was no point, it was busted.

It isn't your fault…

Four or five days after that Hoss had managed to work up the nerve to go see Trevor and that was when he had saved the boy again. Then, just like that, the boy had saved him. He had saved Hoss from embarrassment and pain, from loneliness. It was a small thing, really, but now more than ever he was starting to understand just how dangerous loneliness could be. Just how much the regrets from your past could eat away at you, slowly deteriorate away at you until it consumes your very being. How each little fiber of happiness could just be washed down, cleansed by alcohol. Drowned. Gasping for air.

You couldn't have known…

God he had wanted that panda so badly. What he wouldn't give to be hugging it right now, to just have it inside his arms. To have Trevor inside of his arms. To have that instant comfort that he had felt the first time they had kissed each other, not just one kissing the other, but kissing each other. A shared connection, both heavy with the intent to express their feelings through the sharing of saliva and lips. He wanted to go back to that moment, that first kiss that Trevor had given him. The warmth, the shivers up his spine, the high it had given him, every good feeling he could humanly muster to combat this, to fight this off.

Just cut it… just slice it and get it over with. You can do it.

Tears stung away at his eyes, a slow but steady stream. He wasn't sobbing, he wasn't even making a sound, they just sort of came out. It was like he was leaking, like there was a problem with his eyes as his whole body shook and convulsed, threatening to send him crashing to his knees. He wondered if he got close enough whether or not he would throw up and if so where? He couldn't throw up on it, it would make him even more horrified. It might make him want to do something drastic. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

God how do I get a hold of them?

As he cut through the rope slowly, his eyes shut as he turned his face away from what he was doing he got this weird feeling like he might get grabbed out of nowhere. He felt vulnerable and like he was somehow being watched even if it was impossible. He knew it was impossible. Yet here he was, almost hoping that something would reach out and grab him to scare the living shit out of him. He just wanted it to unhappen. He wanted to go back and redo this whole thing. He wasn't ready for this, wasn't ready for it to all be over.

His mind quieted finally. Maybe it was too much to handle or maybe he was just shutting down. He repositioned himself to get at the rope in a new angle before he finally managed to cut it down. The weight came crashing against him as he grabbed hold and fell over, pinned to the ground as he pulled himself out a little bit. Not a lot, but enough that he could sit up with it rested against his stomach and across the ground. His arms wrapped around it, maybe it was instinct but he just couldn't bring himself to do much else. It was around that time that he was no longer silent, no longer able to hold back some vocalization of complete and utter gut wrenching pain. At first it was shallow and fast breaths, sharp inhales and staggering exhales. It quickly escalated to short bursts of painful screams that had him feeling that his teeth would rip out of his head.

It wasn't long before the screams must have caught someone's attention. The street seemed to carry more light than when he had walked in. He would have guessed that it was his eyes adjusting but if anything the tears were stinging his eyes to the point that he couldn't see anything.

Time passed.

Then he saw and heard something. A noise that matched his own wailing and blue and red LED that cut through the blurring. Then the room light was turned on, something Hoss had forgotten to do when he opened the door. Because as he opened the door to his father's apartment he was too distracted to turn on the light. Too distracted by the silhouette of his father swinging, hanging three feet off the floor with a toppled over chair and empty bottle of vodka under him. He didn't even notice the note pinned to his shirt until the room lights came on. He couldn't read it from his angle but before the ambulance pulled the body away from him he caught a few words. The names Stephanie, Harvey, and Susan as well as the word Sorry and the phrase that seemed to be repeated over and over across the page.

Forgive me.

Harvey didn't hear what the Ambulance driver was saying, but he had only one thing to say to him over and over through the sobs.

"I forgive you, come back."

-----------------------------------

His head hung low as he stepped out from the mortuary. His knuckles were bruised all to hell and his eyes were swollen from the tears. He brought a cigarette up to his mouth with trembling fingers. After three tries with his lighter he managed to get a flame to spark to life, lighting the cigarette as he took in a deep drag. He pocketed the lighter a second later and with a second drag pulled the cigarette loose from his lip between his fingers.

He pulled his cell phone out and called Trevor, he didn't even bother listening whether it was him or a message on the other side. At the first sign that he could talk his mind kicked in and he simply said, "South District General Mortuary. Come quickly." Before hanging up. He pocketed his phone, not feeling any vibrations from it. His body was shaking enough as it was and he had gone far too long without getting food. It was like everything was fast, faster than anything he had felt in all of reality. Then for a few seconds time would just freeze and he would feel caught in the moment like he had been nabbed by a flytrap.

Hoss leaned his head against the brick siding of the steps he was on top of. He waited for Trevor to show up because he couldn't be alone tonight. He was too numb, too full of ideas, and far too likely to snap.
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Re: Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Tora on Sat Oct 13, 2012 2:06 pm

It’s true he has been avoiding Hoss a little these past few days, he didn’t know how he was going to possibly tell him about joining Silver Dust or even if he was going to tell him at all. And August was rather less angry than how the other tended to be.

His phone buzzed, but when he picked it up he didn’t even get to say anything before Hoss started talking.

"South District General Mortuary. Come quickly."

And then he hung up. He stared at the phone, the voice had sounded so flat and dead, had it really been him? And then the dots finally connected and broke into a run. He was out of breath from running but there was Hoss.

He looked the definition of a wreck. He had a lit cigarette but it was only dangling limply from his lips. “Hoss…” He glanced at the brick building they were in front of, it would be better to get him away from this place as far as possible. He took his hand, it was badly bruised and he just hoped he hadn’t punched anyone out at least.

“C’mon, I can fix your hands back at your apartment…” He would’ve hugged him, tried to comfort him but when someone dies you either want to just cling for dear life onto someone or push everyone away. Either way he would be close to snapping.

He knew it was probably his dad that had died, he knew the other didn’t know many people and there could only be a very small amount of people in the first place that would leave him like this.
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Re: Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Hoss on Wed Oct 17, 2012 2:40 am

"No." Hoss took a few steps back the second that said he would fix his hands. He was still shaking as he felt himself tremble a bit. "They keep me grounded," he started to explain, "if you take these away from me I'll lose my grip." His voice trembled as he spoke, trying to get the image out of his head. He looked at his hands, saw the bruises on his knuckles. His mind flashed to the inside of the building just moments ago. Viewing his father after he had been taken in, the bruise around his neck where it had broken. He shut his eyes and reached into his bag, trying to find his gloves but realizing he must have left them inside in the bathroom, where he had checked his hands out.

"I don't… I don't know where I want to go. I don't think I want to go back to my apartment though. I think I just want to find somewhere else to sleep. Somewhere on a floor, somewhere that I can still hear if it rains and I don't know why I want these things but they just… I feel like I want them." He pushed forward and hugged onto Trevor tightly, his hands gripping against his back tightly. He raised his head up to speak into the boys ear, "I'm glad you got to meet him at least. I'm sorry… I'm sorry you healed him for nothing."

Hoss thought of all the pain Trevor had to have gone through for his father. All for naught, he did it for almost nothing too. Sure he had paid for it but he knew enough about Trevor now. He could say with complete certainty that if he hadn't paid Trevor, he wouldn't have been too upset about it. His head was so filled with shit he couldn't handle, he was completely unhinged, but when it came to remembering that night it seemed almost like he couldn't possibly forget a detail. His father, his father's nurse, carrying Trevor back afterward.

"Can we just go to your place?" He asked. If not he would understand. He could always try his window for the rain and just take the mattress off of it's frame to sleep lower to the ground, but some part of him didn't want to be in some comfortable warm place. He wanted his body to feel comforted by the cold wet and dark. He wanted for it to rain buckets until he was soaked and cold chills ran up his spine. He wanted to sky to weep with him, openly. He wanted his outsides to feel as cold as his insides, and he wanted so much to stare into the darkness of night without so much as a hint of light to meet his stare.

He wanted all that, all the while being held by Trevor if at all possible.
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Re: Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Tora on Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:37 pm

"If you take these away from me I'll lose my grip."

“I was just going to bandage them up normally.” If he was planning to heal them with his power he would’ve just done it right when he had taken his hand. He just wouldn’t leave him, make sure he didn’t do anything too drastic like he had done when his mother died.

"I'm glad you got to meet him at least. I'm sorry… I'm sorry you healed him for nothing."

Hoss was trembling and all he could do was hold him tightly back. He spoke gently, just low enough for only Hoss to hear, “It wasn’t for nothing…” It had made Hoss happy and he had been healthy for at least a short period, enough for them to if not console, then at least punch each other out for whatever they went through. Either way he wished he could punch the guy for leaving his son alone like this, Hoss couldn’t be much older than him but it was still too young to have your parent die on you.

"Can we just go to your place?"

“Sure.” It was going to be a cold night and he’d be lying if he wasn’t concerned that the other would catch cold, especially if he insisted to sleep in only his boxers again.

He couldn’t hug him and walk back to the clinic at the same time so he carefully pulled away and wrapped his arm over the others shoulder. Trevor wasn’t much for PDA but this was different circumstances.
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Re: Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Hoss on Thu Oct 25, 2012 12:07 am

It was hard to put into words everything he wanted to do and say, every emotion he wanted to pull down to the pit of his stomach only to feel the need to exert it outwardly like his soul was just screaming. Shit, souls. He didn't believe in them, the fuck happened to his dad? What happens? Does he disappear? Is he some memory to be skewed and retranslated? Did he face the oblivion of things to come alone? Was it worse than that? Was there hell?

"It wasn't for nothing…" Hoss disagreed. He wholly and respectfully disagreed but wouldn't say anything. He'd smile and nod, taking the comfort despite how much he disagreed with it. That's all it was, in the end, comfort. In the very least Hoss met Trevor though, that was one good thing. At the cost of mentally traumatizing his father by alerting him to just the amount of asshole he had become. His last great act of abuse and it was toward himself. Hoss didn't know if it was poetic or tragedy but he figured it was both and moved on.

Stepping along, following Trevor as the hug broke but he kept an arm around him. He stared at the ground, a arm resting along the small of Trevor's back in some form of reciprocating the motion. "I'm kind of a mess right now, so thanks for putting up with me. I know I've been an asshole to you. Hell, he was an asshole to you too. And uh… thanks for coming."

He kept his gaze downward as they walked along. He felt upset still, but at least this way things might get better.

"Do you know why I go by Hoss instead of Harvey?"
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Re: Aftermath [Trevor/Hoss]

Post by Tora on Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:39 pm

Was there some kind of afterlife? He had thought about it a couple times but pushed it aside because even if there was he probably didn’t belong with the ‘good’ people anyways. Reincarnation was an interesting concept but again, apparently you have to have been a saint or something to be reincarnated as a human and he was no saint.

They walked along, Hoss was silent for a while and Trevor wasn’t going to break it. Finally the other talked though. “If you were an asshole I wouldn’t be dating you.” Hoss got easily worked up over small things but he wasn’t a complete jerk. If anyone could perfectly fit the definition of asshole it would be Caden and Hoss was a far cry from him thankfully. He let his voice grow softer again, “I know what it’s like. I would’ve stayed with you even if you had told me not to.” Both parents had commited suicide, both probably shouldnt have been called parents with how they treated their kids. And even with that, Trevor and Hoss had cried their eyes out after they were gone. The only major difference was that Trevor had been left completely alone and Hoss hadn't.

"Do you know why I go by Hoss instead of Harvey?"

He glanced at him, Hoss’ eyes were downcast and he looked even more tired and small than he had before they started walking. He shook his head a little, “You’ve never told me.”
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