I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

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I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:57 am

Warning for rape - read at your own risk:
Andrew closed his eyes, letting the man push him against the wall. He hated that he had to do this, but he really needed the money, especially after he had been mugged the other day. Looked like Solstice wasn’t doing much for him protection-wise, not that he had said anything either.

He grunted softly, feeling how harshly the guy was grabbing at him. His hips were going to bruise at this rate. At least after this, he wouldn’t need to do this again for a while so the bruises wouldn’t matter much. Still...

"Hey man, ease up a little, would you? Pain doesn’t really do it for me."

The man shoved him, knocking the teen’s head against the brick wall. "Shut up you little bastard. I paid you, I get to do whatever. That’s what you said."

Andrew paled a little and swallowed. It was never a good thing when that was pointed out to him. It usually meant that he was in for a world of pain. "I don’t think this is a good idea. You can have your credits back. Just let me up."

His only answer was a quick, hard jab to the side, hitting his kidney. He gasped in surprise and pain, trying to twist away, but that hit was followed by a hand grabbing his hair and slamming his head forward to bounce off the wall. The redhead blinked hard, dazed, and tried not to black out or fall over. That would just make things worse since he wouldn’t be able to fight back at all. Not that he was given much of a chance to do so.

Andrew couldn’t hold back his cry as he was forcibly entered. Oh god, not again.

Pleading with the man to stop just got him hit again so Andrew quickly stopped that, instead biting his lip and clenching his eyes shut, trying to ignore what was happening. He didn’t want... He hadn’t agreed to this.

He had no clear idea of how long it took for the other to finish raping him, letting the smaller male fall to the ground when he was done, but Andrew just knew it had taken too long. Any instance of it was too long. And he had been beaten again too.

He curled up on his side, half-naked and shivering, as the other grabbed the money he had paid and started away, muttering something about harbingers and whores.

Biting his lip again, Andrew whimpered softly. His entire body was sore and he just knew he was going to be black and blue in a couple of hours. Swallowing harshly, refusing to cry, he just lay there, losing track of time again. If he had been able to move, he just might have wandered down to the Metro line nearest him and sat down on the track.


Last edited by Andrew on Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:30 pm; edited 3 times in total


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:00 pm

Ceara exhaled sharply out her nose, letting her head drop back and tilt towards the sky. It was going to start pouring soon, if the thickness of the air and the flickers of bright light from a distance were anything to go by. She grunted and pushed herself off the wall she was leaning on, intending to head back to her apartment, in no mood to be wandering around the streets in the middle of a storm. Knowing a short cut to her house, the girl jogged across the street and into an alley, mind drifting off as her feet pounded a steady rhythm on the concrete.

Andrew hadn’t called. He said he’d call within the week, and it had been a little over one since the cousins had seen, or even spoken to each other. Ceara had found herself staring at her phone many times over the last few days, wanting to grab it and talk to him. But he said he needed his time, and as much as she really wanted to talk to him about that mess of a situation, she was going to respect that wish.

Her attention turned inwards, Ceara barely moved fast enough to sidestep the man walking in the opposite direction. She skidded to a stop, opening her mouth to apologize, but his mind wasn’t completely there, either, completely ignoring the girl that nearly ran into him. The large man adjusted his pants as he walked, muttering just loud enough for Ceara’s ears to pick up. “Filthy harbingers, good for nothing but dying and a quick fuck.”

“Hm?” She lifted her chin, purple eyes meeting the man’s when he turned around. He quickly paled and, muttering something, turned tail and walked off, a little more quickly than before. Ceara smirked and resumed walking. Those ‘normal people’ may think they were superior to harbingers, but when actually confronted by a ‘freak’, they were scared shitless. She turned a corner, paying more attention to where she was going this time, and recognized the shape of a bare arm and thigh from behind a box. Homeless people were common in this part of the City, so it didn’t surprise her to see one.

She walked towards the body, calling out, “Hey, you should probably get some better shelter, it’s gonna-" Her voice caught in her throat when she saw the familiar head of red hair. “Andrew…” she breathed out, noting his shaking form, his state of undress, the way his aura was practically screaming disgust, shame, pain. Ceara wasn’t stupid, it wasn’t that hard to connect the dots, and she was torn between chasing after the man and making sure her cousin was okay. Her concern won out, and she bent over shaking his shoulder. “Andrew. Andrew! We have to get you inside, come on!” She had a million questions, but now wasn’t the time.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:24 pm

Andrew heard the footsteps approaching. He should have felt a pang of fear (what if he was coming back? Would he be hurt more, raped again? Andrew wouldn't be able to take that again. But if he was coming back to kill the redhead... Andrew wouldn't even attempt to fight), but he couldn't bring himself to care.

He flinched with another whimper when a hand touched his shoulder and started to shake him. His blankly staring eyes focused a little and slowly turned to the owner of the hand. "Ce... ar... a?" he breathed out, barely audible. His head must have been hit harder than he thought if he was hallucinating his cousin's presence.

Reaching out an unsteady hand, he felt a trickle of surprise when he touched her leg, solid and warm. Hooking his fingers into the fabric of her pants, his breathing hitched. He was going to break soon and he knew it, but that was going be okay, now that Ceara was here. She had somehow found him just when he needed her.

Andrew managed to pull himself up a little, just enough to throw himself at her and wrap his arms around her, burying his face against her stomach. His shoulders started to shake even harder than the rest of his body was, but he hadn't started crying, not yet. He was managing to hold onto that last shred of dignity by his fingernails.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:55 pm

“Ce… ar… a?”

His eyes were dead, she noticed when Andrew turned his face toward her. His normally bright green eyes were flat, cold, hollow, and Ceara felt a hot flash of anger burn through her veins. Her back straightened and her head turned in the direction where she had passed by the man. The girl would’ve leapt up and chased after the man (He was probably a good distance away now, but that didn’t matter. She would find him anyway.) if not for the hand tugging at her pants. She turned back towards him, just in time to let out a small grunt of surprise at the arms wrapping around her waist and the head burying itself in her stomach.

“Yeah, it’s me…” His body was trembling so hard, like he wanted to cry but was doing all he could to keep the tears at bay. Ceara shifted slightly to release her arms from his grip and paused, hands hovering over him, unsure of what to do and unwilling to hurt him even more. She settled with resting her hands lightly on his head and gently combing her fingers through his hair, something she remembered her father doing when she was young. “I’m here.” A small frown formed on her mouth when the pads of her fingers brushed what was very close to becoming a large lump. What the hell had Andrew done to deserve this?

They stayed like that for a few more minutes before a distant boom of thunder reminded Ceara of the task at hand. "Andrew, I live not too far from here, get up and let’s go.” That wasn’t meant to come out as harsh as it did, but she needed to be strong for him; the teen looked like he was barely holding it together, never mind being able to make any reasonable decisions. If she hadn’t found him… who knows what would’ve happened?

Ceara extracted herself from his arms, standing up and patiently waiting for him to fully dress himself, before she started walking in the direction of her apartment, hoping that he was following her. She really did not want to have to drag him there and add more bruises to the colorful collection already marring his skin.


Last edited by Haze on Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:58 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : I hope you're happy, tomo.)
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Tue Oct 16, 2012 12:02 am

He could hear that Ceara was talking, but he couldn't make out what she was saying, her voice sounding like it was making its way through several feet of water. Which was a pretty apt description considering the way that Andrew felt like he was drowning, everything being muted and dulled the way it was. Had he been like this the last time? He couldn't remember. But that wasn't too surprising, he couldn't remember most of what had happened for any of the other times, just that they had happened.

She pushed lightly at his shoulders so she could stand. Was she going to leave him here now? He stared at her for a little while, eyes wide and vulnerable, before he realized she was waiting for him. He tried to stand, staggering a little as he got caught up in his clothes before he was able to fix them, moving slowly and gingerly. He had enough presence of mind to grab his bag before hurrying to catch up to his cousin. He grabbed her hand, moving close to her side.

He was clinging like a frightened child, and he knew it, but he didn't care. All he really cared about at the moment was staying close to Ceara. "I'm sorry," he whispered. And he wasn't completely certain which thing he was apologizing for right now. Maybe one thing, maybe everything.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Tue Oct 16, 2012 4:46 pm

"I'm sorry."

Ceara's eyes flicked down to the hand holding hers in a vice-like grip, then up to her cousin's pale, terrified face. She lightly squeezed his hand back and gave him a small, tight-lipped smile. "What are you apologizing for?" He had nothing wrong, as far as she knew, and even if he did do something horrible, nothing warrented being... She huffed. It was no one's fault but that man's but even still, she couldn't help but feel responsible somehow. He was her cousin. Maybe if she had run just a bit faster, she might've caught the man in the act, and returned at least a fraction of Andrew's pain back to the rapist. Maybe she could've called him; they could be doing something else, somewhere besides this shithole of a situation. Anything would be better than this, anything would be better than standing there feeling useless, unable to do anything but watch her cousin crumble to pieces right in front of her.

It took the pair longer than it would've normally taken to reach her apartment, Ceara slowing down her usually brisk pace to accommodate Andrew. After leading him up the stairs, the girl gently pried his fingers off her hand to free it to unlock the door. Luckily, her roommate was working a graveyard shift that night, or else explaining why her cousin was there, looking like he was about to burst into tears at a moment's notice, would've been difficult. Ceara ushered Andrew inside the modest apartment before gesturing towards a door to the right. "You can take a shower, if you want. I'll... I'll go heat something up." Though a hot shower and meal would probably help him regain some color, preparing food was more for her benefit than his; she needed to do something with her hands to distract her from her thoughts.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:01 pm

He nodded absently, shuffling into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself. He really didn't pay much attention to what he was doing, stripping down and just dropping everything into a pile on the floor. He just stood under the water for several minutes before his fugue broke. And so did he, sliding down the wall to kneel with his arms around himself. Even with the water near-scalding, he could still feel the heat of his tears dripping over his cheeks.

The water had turned cold by the time Andrew came back to himself. He raised a lightly shaking hand and shut off the water, taking another couple of minutes to gulp in some calming breaths before drying off and dressing in the pair of pants he had in his bag. He had been able to buy another pair prior to being mugged, but since he had been wearing them when... what had happened had happened, he didn't want to ever put them back on.

He padded out on bare feet to where Ceara had left him. Hearing her moving around in the kitchen, he stepped that way, stopping in the doorway to just watch her silently.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:40 pm

Ceara watched him enter her bathroom and waited to hear the sound of running water before heading to the ‘kitchen’ – more or less just a fridge, stove, and sink in a partially enclosed area – and yanking open the refrigerator door. She sighed, noting the meager amount of food within. There was nothing but a small container of leftover stew the two inhabitants made the night before, a few apples, and a carton of milk. The girl emptied the fridge, kicked the door close, and set the stew in a small pot over the stove before busying herself with slicing the apples.

Not much of a well-balanced meal, she thought as she placed the slices on a small plate, suddenly feeling ashamed for not being able to provide Andrew with a decent meal. The remaining stew was barely enough for one person. Ceara growled low in her throat, reaching up into an overhead cabinet for a box of cereal and a bowl, and poured herself a bowl, finishing off the milk. He probably needed the hot food more than she did, and she doubted she’d be able to eat much anyway, with her stomach twisting the way it was. Her hands tightened slightly around the bowl before fumbling around for a spoon, shoveling the breakfast food into her mouth, each spoonful tasting like cardboard.

What she didn’t understand was how the man had managed to even get Andrew in that position. Her cousin was a runner, yes, but even on the off chance the rapist had outran him, Andrew had to have fought back. He wasn’t one to go down quietly. Or at least that was how Ceara saw him. She thought hard about it, but was unable to think of a single situation where he would let the man get close and over power him. She blinked, realizing she had been staring at her half eaten breakfast-dinner for what must have been a few minutes completely stationary. The stew was simmering now, and she quickly turned off the flame and emptied the pot’s contents in another bowl.

She turned around, juggling both the bowl and plate, but jolted a little at the sight of Andrew standing there. His red rimmed eyes confirmed all that she already knew. Realizing she was staring, Ceara rushed to place the dishes on the small table a few feet away in fear of getting her hand burned and motioned towards them, before heading into her room. A moment later she came out, shoving a thick black hoodie in his hands. It would just be terrible for him to get sick after… “It might be a bit too small for you, but it’s the biggest thing I have… And eat,” she pointed again to the food before grabbing her own abandoned bowl, sitting down. “It’s not much, but you need food.”
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:30 pm

Andrew moved toward the table, pausing to watch her go. Where was she going? He had taken a half step after her, not wanting to be left alone, when she was coming back. He blinked slowly at the hoodie that had been shoved into his hands. Why...? Oh. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He tugged it on, covering the bruises that were appearing and the scars that were already there. It mostly fit, a little short in the sleeves so the bruises darkening around his wrists were visible (especially since all of his accessories had been shoved into his bag).

He glanced at the food then back at her. He didn't really want to eat, but he would in a moment. First, though, he moved over to her side and knelt next to her, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. "Thank you," he murmured, leaning his head against hers. He really didn't deserve her concern.

Pulling back after a couple of minutes, he offered her a weak smile and moved to sit across from her and attempt eating. He was starting to look like his normal self again, hiding it all under his usual grin, just a little dimmer than normal.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:58 pm

She copied his motions, returning the hug and resting her head next to his. Andrew didn't need to thank her, really. He was her cousin and more importantly, a friend (she knew that a blood relationship could mean absolutely nothing, Andrew and his brother's being a good example.); wasn't this what she was supposed to do? Ceara didn't have many friends, but she knew that taking care of one when they needed support was something that you just did. And Andrew looked like he needed all the support he could get.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Ceara hoping that the simple contact brought him at least some of the comfort he needed, because that was the best she could offer him; the fact that she was there. If she could somehow erase what had happened, she would've, no matter the price, but she couldn't. Her wishes didn't mean anything, so she simply tightened her hold right before he pulled away. Ceara watched her cousin eat for a moment before picking up her spoon as well, still watching him from under her bangs.

The smile affixed to his face, while still smaller than his usual grin, would’ve fooled anyone. But Ceara wasn’t just anyone. She broke the promise she had made to herself for the second time today and peeked at his aura before frowning. “You don’t have to smile for my benefit, you know.” Andrew didn’t have to pretend to fine just to make her feel better. She sighed and looked down, pushing the dregs of her meal around in the leftover milk. She had a feeling he was going to dodge this, act like nothing was wrong, and there was no way she was going to let him deal with this by himself, but how do you even bring up a topic like that? “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but… Don’t…” Don’t shut me out. “I just… Nevermind.” Coward. The girl stood up, her chair screeching against the linoleum, and placed her dishes in the sink, closing her eyes and gripping the edge of the counter.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Thu Oct 18, 2012 1:04 pm

“You don’t have to smile for my benefit, you know.”

Andrew blinked in surprise, looking up at her as the smile vanished. What did she...? Hell, how did she know? There were very few people who could see through him, especially when he was trying to fool them. And then he remembered her power. She had said that she could read auras, so no matter how good his mask was, she could still see what he was really feeling. It made him feel so exposed, knowing that he couldn't hide from her. And oh god, what if she had seen some of those other moods? He swallowed harshly, a little pale as she spoke again before getting up and moving to the sink.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but… Don’t… I just… Nevermind.”

Taking in the tense stance she had and how Ceara was clinging to the counter, he stood and a little cautiously stepped behind her, setting a gentle hand on her back. "Ceara..." He sighed softly and eased her hands off the edge, pulling her against his chest and into a hug, being careful of his still healing shoulder, as he turned them so that he was leaning back against the counter. He didn't want her to be upset or feel guilty, but to do that, stop her from feeling like that, there was only one thing he could really do - acknowledge it and not run away anymore. And that was a thought that terrified him. Though, not as much as his worry over her reaction did.

Andrew had to close his eyes before he could bring himself to speak. "...This isn't the first time it's happened. And I'm going to be okay, I promise. I had my breakdown, I'll be a bit skittish for a few days, and I'll get over it." Well, getting over it was a stretch, but he'd be able to move past it. It was the depression and suicidal thoughts and need to run that would be the problem, but as often as that occurred, he'd be able to work through that too.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Thu Oct 18, 2012 8:04 pm

Ceara’s back stiffened at his words and she removed his arms around her to step back and stare at him. “Get over it?” she breathed out after a moment of silence. “Andrew… that’s not something you can just get over.” She paused, squeezing her eyes tight before opening them to look him straight in the eyes, purple clashing with green.

“You say you’ll be fine, but I’ve seen people who have been raped. They say they’re okay a while later and they look like it and act like it. Hell, they might have even convinced themselves that they’ve ‘gotten over it’.” She took a deep breath, forcing her hands to unfurl from the fists she hadn’t even realized she was making. “But days, weeks, months later, there’s still an inkling of shame, fear, pain that only I can see, and it never goes away. And for that to happen to you god knows how many times,” she tried hard not to think about that too much, “I.. I can’t even imagine…”

Ceara trailed off, her gaze dropping to the floor. “Point is, you can’t just get over it and pretend like nothing happened, you need to… I don’t’ know what you need to do, but you can’t act like it doesn’t bother you.” Because it sure as hell bothers me to see you like this. “What I really don’t understand is how you’ve been raped multiple times. I mean," she paused again, realizing how callous her words sounded. “I know you; at least I think I do. And you’re not one to just let people do that to you…”
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Fri Oct 19, 2012 9:14 am

Andrew blinked when she suddenly pulled away, something tightening in his chest, and oh god it hurt, the thought that she was going to leave him alone too. He squeezed his eyes shut against the prickling at the back of his eyes, fighting desperately against the tears. He wouldn't cry over this. It was her choice if she wanted nothing to do with someone as damaged as he was. And she had said as much, that he was damaged and she knew it.

He listened to her talk, watched her get angry (was it at him or for him?) then upset then uncaring (so it was at him. He hadn’t realized that he had let her get that close, that he had started to care for her so much that that could hurt so much, cause so much pain to nearly bring him to his knees), and just wanted it to stop. He swallowed harshly, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling so he could talk without needing to see her or her reactions.

“Four,” he rasped out through the emotions clogging his throat and making it hard to draw in a full breath. “This was the fourth time. And you’re right, I don’t let them do that to me. It wouldn’t be rape if I did.” God, he had to tell her, she had a right to know, after all of this, she deserved it. “And I know you’re wondering how it happened. I put myself into that situation. All but the first time I did. And quite a few other times. Only those times, they didn’t do anything that wasn’t agreed on, they didn’t take the money back.” He paused to wet his lips and swallow again before dropping his eyes to meet Ceara’s, that same dead look from earlier in them. “After all, it’s all I’m good for, spreading my legs and opening my mouth. I’m just a filthy fucking whore.”

The shame of that, of what he had done, of telling her, was nearly suffocating, but he had done it for survival. He hadn’t had many other choices, he really wasn’t that good of a pickpocket and hated to do it in the first place, and now with Aiden and his disapproval (and what about him? Did he really care or was he like Ceara and only cared until it was inconvenient?)... He just couldn’t bring himself to do that.

“And the rape itself doesn’t... It’s not as much of a factor as you think it is. I’d be like this, I’d have the problems I have, regardless. Part of it is just... It’s part of how I am. I’m not a runner for nothing, Ceara.”


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Fri Oct 19, 2012 4:56 pm

“And the rape itself doesn’t... It’s not as much of a factor as you think it is. I’d be like this, I’d have the problems I have, regardless. Part of it is just... It’s part of how I am. I’m not a runner for nothing, Ceara.”

She shoved her clenched fists in her pockets, staring up at him with wide eyes. The idea that he was selling himself didn't even occur to her. Her mind flashed back to the first time they talked as cousins, his tone when she mentioned prostitution, the look on his face, the tightness in his posture... Ceara frowned at her inability to connect the dots. She had just thought that... Well, this just showed how little she actually knew about him. 

Her lips tightened and she crossed her arms over her chest. "If you're just a filthy whore than I'm just a petty thief. And I know I'm more than that, so that's not true and you know that. No one is defined by just one thing, Andrew." She exhaled sharply through her nose, rubbing her temples to ward off the headache that was beginning to form. "And what do you mean by problems?" Ceara had an idea as to what he was hinting at, and if she was right... She chewed on the inside of her lip before speaking again. "You... You're talking like someone who's already given up." If she was right, then she'd be absolutely furious, because that, no matter the circumstances, was unforgivable.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Fri Oct 19, 2012 5:19 pm

He couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped him. " 'No one is defined by one thing'? Come on Ceara, as far as most of the world is concerned, there's only one thing that defines us," he said, gesturing at his own eyes. "But yeah, in a perfect world, that wouldn't be true." He shoved his hands through his hair, fisting them in the red strands just above his neck as he took in a shaking breath.

Meeting her eyes again, he sighed, shoulders slumping. "Like you can't figure that out," he said, forcing a weak smile that fell flat. She wasn't going to like this next comment. "And I haven't yet. But it's been close a few times."

He blinked at her outburst, but when she called him a coward, he broke in. "You’re right, Ceara, I am a coward. I fully admit that. If I was any less of one, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. Hell, we wouldn’t even know about each other. And you know why? Because I’d be dead. See, I know myself. It’d have to be something quick and relatively painless. Why do you think I don’t carry a knife? Drowning and suffocating are slow and painful and we both know that jumping off of something isn’t an option. Stepping in front of a bus isn’t definitely going to do it and while the Metro might be quick, it wouldn’t be painless. And I’m too much of a chickenshit to pick a fight with someone who would kill me. Hell, you saw how I gave in with Hoss, how I was able to act like there wasn’t a problem. I’m a coward. I run from things. I run from everything. But I can’t outrun it all..."

He leaned back against the counter after that, dropping his head into his hands, fully expecting Ceara to be even more disgusted by him now and not wanting to see that look in her eyes. It was bad enough he’d have to listen to even more insults, he didn’t want to see it too. At least he had gotten everything out. Now she knew just how broken and damaged he was and how much better off she would be without him around.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Fri Oct 19, 2012 6:19 pm

"And I haven't yet. But it's been close a few times."

Her blood ran cold. She opened her mouth a few times, trying and failing to speak through the shock of him confirming her thoughts. Ceara cleared her throat before swallowing hard, brows drawing in and voice coming out in a sharp hiss. “Fuck, Andrew, I knew you were a runner, but I didn’t expect you to be such a fucking coward!” Her voice rose to the point of shouting the last word, but goddamnit, she was angry, frustrated, and oh fucking hell, how could he be so bloody stupid.

She took a deep breath, about to scream, yell, beat some sense into him when Andrew interrupted her. She frowned, but stopped and listened to him, every word causing her to dig her nails a little bit more into her upper arms. Once he had finished, she released her grip and closed the space between them, removing his hands from his face. She stared at him for a moment before lifting her hand and sending it across his face with a loud crack.

“That is… the most idiotic, pathetic, selfish thing I’ve ever heard,” she breathed out, fighting to keep her anger out of her voice. “You don’t even care, do you? You don’t even give a shit about the people you’d be leaving behind. Because you may think no one cares right now, but that’s not fucking true. Every time someone dies, someone close to them is left standing there, hating the world because it took away a person they loved.” Ceara shifted, uncomfortable, remembering what it was like after her father died; bitter, lost, unsure of what to do with herself. “Why would you voluntarily put the people around you through that? Think about your sisters. Fucking hell, don’t you want to see them again? How the hell do you think they’re going to feel if they found out they could never see their big brother again because he just fucking gave up on life? What kind of brother would you be if you sent them that message, huh? When life gets hard, kill yourself?”

She took a step back from him and inhaled shakily. “Things for you might be shit, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can’t just kill yourself and expect that your death would mean nothing, that everything would go on as usual. And if you can’t live for a future with your sisters, at least try to live a bit, right now, for me. Because I don’t think I… I can’t… Not again…” The idea that another family member was going to leave her terrified her; the panic was tightening around her throat and threatening to strangle her. Ceara backpedaled a little more, bumping into the edge of the table, lungs rapidly expanding and contracting, trying to get rid of that suffocating feeling in her chest.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Fri Oct 19, 2012 9:55 pm

Stiffening in surprise as his hands were pulled away, Andrew stared at Ceara in confusion. Until she slapped him, making his head snap to the side and sending him staggering a few steps. Christ, that had hurt more than any of the times she had punched him, and he only meant in a physical sense. He fixed wide eyes on her, one hand drifting up to touch his cheek. Said hand was quickly dropped with a wince as his light brush of fingertips just about doubled the pain he was feeling. Hell she was pissed.

The redhead just listened to his cousin, watched her start to crack. She was falling apart more than he was. And that, more than anything she had said, that was what got to him. He stepped forward and tugged her against his chest, ducking his head to press a light kiss to the top of hers before resting his uninjured cheek on her hair.

"I can't say that I thought of most of that," he murmured, finding it a little easier to speak without looking at her. "When things get like that... Nothing really occurs to me. I just have to run and get distracted...." He swallowed and closed his eyes again, his voice dropping as he spoke again. "I'm sorry. I never... I swear, I won't ever do it, but I can't promise not to think about it. I've tried not to and I just can't help it." He just hoped that she wouldn't hate him for it now.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Sat Oct 20, 2012 1:22 am

Ceara’s body froze when she was suddenly pulled into a hug again, muscles stiffening and joints locking as the arms wrapped around her.

“I can't say that I thought of most of that. When things get like that... Nothing really occurs to me. I just have to run and get distracted… I'm sorry. I never... I swear, I won't ever do it, but I can't promise not to think about it. I've tried not to and I just can't help it."

She pulled away a little to meet his eyes, frowning before returning her gaze to his chest, unable to hold eye contact for long. “Stupid, stupid, stupid idiot,” she muttered, giving his chest a weak thump with every word. Funny, her body seemed to be shaking. And she swallowed, trying to get past the lump in her throat. That was odd. Quickly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in Andrew’s shoulder, confused. She didn’t understand why she wanted to break into sobs. Because there was no use in crying - tears wouldn’t solve her problems, she learned that a long time ago.

Ceara allowed herself a few moments to compose herself, get her breathing under control, before speaking again. “Don’t say things like that. God, just don’t… Talk to me, okay? Next time you feel like that… I’m here, okay? Please… Please don’t make me worry about you more than I already do.”
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Sat Oct 20, 2012 3:31 pm

He was about to step away, having felt how she stiffened when he touched her, but then she was calling him an idiot and lightly hitting his chest before her arms were around his neck and she was shaking. Andrew wrapped his arms around her, as tight as he could without hurting her and gently rocked her, just like he had with his younger sisters when they were frightened.

"It's okay, I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. I promise," he whispered against her hair. He listened to her speak again, tell him that she worried about him, and that shouldn't make him feel so warm inside, considering the situation, but it did. His lips curved into a gentle, semi-playful smile and he pulled back to look at her. "Are you sure about that? Because you hit me the last time I did," he teased. "Just keep in mind that you're the one who asked for it and you can't yell at me later." His eyes were warmer and genuinely closer to what she was used to seeing, just a hint of that shadow darkening the bright green color.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:22 am

"Are you sure about that? Because you hit me the last time I did. Just keep in mind that you're the one who asked for it and you can't yell at me later."

Thankful for his attempt at lightening the mood, she chuckled softly, a little shakily but it came from sincere amusement. “Don’t worry; I’m sure I’ll find plenty of other reasons to yell at you.” Ceara grinned, hoping he knew she wasn’t being serious. For the most part, anyway. Her grin slowly slid into a more subdued smile as she watched him watch her. He was a lot happier now, and for that she was glad, but it could be a temporary thing so she had to watch him more carefully from now on.

A flash of lightning lit up the apartment, forcing Ceara’s eyes to break the eye contact and flick to the window. “I don’t think you’d want to be outside in this weather.” And even if he did, she wasn’t going to let him be by himself, especially after the events that night. She stepped back from him completely and turned slightly to point at a closed door. “You can take my room tonight.”
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:26 am

Andrew laughed at her comment. He was sure that she would find a reason. Hell, he'd probably end up giving her some on a silver platter.

He watched her smile fade a little. He wished that this hadn't happened, not necessarily for himself, but for her. He knew that he shouldn't have told her all of that, but she needed to know. Especially if recent happenings were any indication and he was getting worse with it. He needed someone to know, someone he could break with and still know that he was safe.

He had to start trusting people.

Andrew twitched at the lightning and thunder, not expecting it, and looked at the window as well. Wow, either he had been in the shower longer than he thought (entirely possible) or this had blown in quickly. He shook his head; she was right, he didn't want to go out in that. He might end up slipping and finding somewhere to drown himself anyway.

He pouted slightly when she stepped back. He had been enjoying being able to hold someone in a completely innocent way. Raising his eyebrows, he shook his head. "I'm not going to take your bed." Seeing that she was going to argue, he put a hand over her mouth. "Either I take the couch or we share. And I'd rather share. I... I don't want to be alone right now. Please?"


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Sun Oct 21, 2012 4:04 pm

"I'm not going to take your bed."

She frowned. Of course he was going to take the bed, he was her guest and it wasn’t as if she had an extra room or anything like that. Ceara opened her mouth to insist when it was quickly covered with Andrew’s hand. She glared at him as he spoke. "Either I take the couch or we share. And I'd rather share. I... I don't want to be alone right now. Please?"

Her eyes softened, understanding perfectly well. Her hand moved up to remove his from over her mouth. “Don’t do that again. And… sure. That’s fine with me.” Not really, she hadn’t actually slept in the same bed with another person for a very long time. She felt it would feel too intimate for any of her previous relationships, all of which were short-lived and nothing more than a physical thing. But this was her cousin – that would just be fucking weird – and he probably needed someone to ground him right now, keep him out of his thoughts.

“I’m just going to take a shower real quick, you-“ she made a vague gesture to the bowl of cooling stew. “Finish that, if you want. Or do whatever. I don’t know, just don’t break anything.” Ceara turned around, shooting him a small smile, and stopped by her room to pick up some clothes before heading into the bathroom. She bathed quickly, not wanting to leave him alone for too long, and walked out a few minutes later, towel around her neck and hands twisting the wet strands of her hair into a braid. "Andrew?"

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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Sun Oct 21, 2012 4:40 pm

He gave her a crooked smile when she told him not to cover her mouth again, and that she had agreed with him. He had expected a much longer argument too. She didn't look completely comfortable with the thought, but he imagined that was more due to the fact she'd be sharing with her cousin when they were both adults (even if he didn't act like it most of the time) than anything else.

Sending a distasteful look at the stew, Andrew nodded. He really wasn't all that hungry, but he wasn't about to waste the food either. He quickly finished the stew and moved to the sink, rinsing the stuff and setting it down before wandering into the living room. He was intending to sit on the couch to wait, but caught sight of the window before he could. Burying his hands in the hoodie's pocket, Andrew leaned a shoulder against the wall, watching the raindrops trail down the glass.

He turned when he heard Ceara call his name. "Yeah?" He was still here and he hadn't done anything stupid.


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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Ceara on Sun Oct 21, 2012 11:54 pm

“Yeah?”

Oh, there he was. Ceara had felt her stomach drop like a stone when she didn’t immediately see him at the kitchen table, thinking he had lied to her and walked out. So when she saw him leaning against the window she breathed a sigh of relief and walked over to him, placing a hand on her cousin’s arm. “Never mind. Come on, you should probably get some sleep.” It had been a long day for both of them, Andrew especially, for obvious reasons. She felt a little guilty though, he was the one needing comfort earlier, but somehow she had broken down and he was the one comforting her.

Lightly tugging him from his place by the window, she led him to the room. Her bed was small, but luckily she didn't take up much room in the first place so she doubted they'd need to squeeze. The sight of her mattress made her realize how exhausted, both physically and mentally, she was and Ceara yawned before flopping on her bed with a groan. "If you're the type to steal all the sheets, we're going to have a big problem, Andrew," she mumbled, head down and buried into her pillow.
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Re: I'll Be Okay - Andrew, Ceara ((complete))

Post by Andrew on Mon Oct 22, 2012 1:48 am

Andrew smiled down at her when she touched his arm, slipping his hands from his pockets. Yeah, sleep sounded good. Now, just so long as he didn't have nightmares. Or she wouldn't. He'd feel really bad about that. Hopefully that they were together would be enough to stave them off. He nodded at her and followed her down the hall, covering a yawn himself.

"If you're the type to steal all the sheets, we're going to have a big problem, Andrew."

He shrugged. "Not a problem here. Considering I usually sleep in trees or on window ledges, I don't really sprawl or move much. I just know that actually having blankets will be nice." He debated momentarily about taking off the hoodie or just sleeping in it before shrugging again and pulling it over his head. It was well enough to wear around, but a little too small to be comfortable for bed. He just kind of let it fall to the floor before he climbed over Ceara to put himself between her and the wall, tossing an arm over her back before letting his eyes slip closed.

This is nice, he thought just before he fell asleep.


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