Reconciliation -- Andrew, Ceara

by **Andrew** Sun May 12, 2013 3:04 pm

It was a rather nice spring day, for once. The past week's rain had finally ceased, the sun was struggling to peek out from behind the thinning clouds, and there was a light, warm breeze that was actually rather refreshing.

Unfortunately, Andrew's mood didn't match the bright, cheerful look of the day and he couldn't be bothered to put up the normal facade that made him look like he was. That had been the third shop he had been in and they didn't have the stupid tea that he was looking for. Well, they had had a good variety box that he had gotten to give to Trevor for his birthday, but he just could not find an apple flavor. And he had no idea why it was being so difficult either. On top of that, he hadn't even started to gather the supplies he'd need to paint that thing for Trevor - not that he was quite sure what he was going to paint either. And then there was that he was pretty sure he didn't actually have a crush on Trevor anymore. No, he was rather certain that he was in love and had no idea what to do about it, especially since, as far as he was aware, the other man didn't even know.

With his mind fully occupied by those thoughts, he was a bit blind to other people on the street and so stepped onto the sidewalk without looking.

by **Ceara** Mon May 13, 2013 2:59 pm

Ceara smiled as she stepped out onto the street, stretching her arms out and soaked in the sun, yawning loudly. She hasn't meant to fall asleep, much less stay in his room for as long as he did, but if she woke up on her own accord and he wasn't in the room, Ethan couldn't have minded her crashing at his place. That was becoming an increasingly more common thing, though, sleeping over, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of it. But Ceara knew where she and Lapin stood right now, and knew that she could pull herself out if it became anymore complicated that it was. But chances of that were unlikely.

She robotically made her way to the nearest Metro station, working out the kinks in her tired limbs and shoulders, and tired to rub the sleepiness from her eyes. Her eyes closed, she didn't notice the person who just stepped in front of her before it was too late. They collided, and her face was met with a shoulder. "Ah, shit, sorry," she sniffled out, eyes watering at the pain from her abused nose. A few moments of blinking out the tears later, she managed to register just who she ran into. "Oh hey, Andrew."

by **Andrew** Mon May 13, 2013 4:01 pm

The redhead grunted softly, staggering a bit as his train of thought was derailed. He was turning to make his own apology, getting the word out half way before his voice cracked and died. It would just figure that the one person he ran into was his cousin.

It took a few moments for him to shake off his surprise and give himself the same passive expression he had been wearing before. He didn't even attempt to plaster a smile on, couldn't be bothered, not for anyone other than a small handful of people - and she wasn't one of them anymore, not after making it clear what she thought of him and never trying to apologize.

"Sorry," he mumbled, finding his voice again. "Excuse me," he said, taking a step to the side to go around her. She hadn't wanted him involved in her life in any way and he wasn't going to inflict her with his presence. And he was just too tired from all the turbulent emotions that had been involved with his relationships with Trevor and Halt and Marjorie that he just could not care about how he was acting right now.

by **Ceara** Tue May 14, 2013 12:29 am

She inwardly flinched at the obvious cold shoulder he was giving her, though she couldn't say she didn't deserve it. Ceara had said some pretty damn hurtful stuff to him which she didn't mean of course, but that didn't excuse her actions after that night. But if she was being honest with herself, she didn't even know why she still hadn't apologized, even if she had cooled off less than a day after. Pride had some part to do with it, but... Her intentions were not to hurt him, but he had been so insistent and for some reason that pissed her off terribly and... Ceara didn't know. She had thought something along the lines of letting her worry about him earlier that night, hadn't she?

She was a fucking hypocrite.

"Wait, Andrew," her hand shot out to rest on his arm, stopping him from stepping around her. "Can we... talk for a little bit? I need to..." She trailed off, a deep frown creasing her face. She needed to what? Apologize, obviously, but that wasn't the whole thing. She didn't want him to be mad at her, even if she deserved all of it.

by **Andrew** Tue May 14, 2013 9:14 pm

The redhead stiffened as soon as she touched him but didn't rip his arm away just yet. As soon as she trailed off though, he did pull away, turning to face her with a dark look. "You need to do something? What is it you need to do, Haze? Yell at me more or insult me or call me worthless again? Huh? Just what is it that you need to do?" he demanded, voice low. "Because if it's any of those things, I can tell you right now that I damn well don't want to hear any of it, at all. Not now, not ever. I have put up with enough shit and confusion and pain and broken trust in the past few months that it almost compares to how things were with my so-called fucking family and I am so fed up with everything that I just... Can not deal with it."

He looked away, surprised at himself and how he had just snapped. Apparently he wasn't as over being hurt by her as he had fooled himself into thinking.

Sighing softly, Andrew ran his free hand through his hair then rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, waiting for her reaction to his outburst.

by **Ceara** Wed May 15, 2013 1:15 am

She couldn't help the wide eyed look she gave him after his rant. He... just called her Haze. That hadn't happened outside of gang stuff for months. Were all those things true? Did he just compare her to his fucked up family? Ceara fidgeted guiltily, toying with the hem of her shirt but still maintaining the eye contact he would give her.

It took her a few heartbeats to get over her shock. "I..." She paused, swallowed, then started again. "I just want to talk. ...So I can apologize. But you can yell at me more, if you want. If that makes you feel any better." She wouldn't hold any of it against him. Sometimes people just got mad and said things they didn't mean. She just hoped that he would understand that too. "I don't have an excuse for any of it, I don't have a reason, I don't know why I said that stuff... I'm sorry, Andrew." There was an uncomfortable tightening feeling in her chest, but she kept her voice soft and steady. She didn't want to guilt him into forgiving her, she wanted him to do that on his own. If he ever did.

by **Andrew** Wed May 15, 2013 3:38 pm

He let out a harsh breath through his nose before meeting her eyes again, the bright sparkle she had been used to seeing in his dulled. "No, I don't want to yell. It's not going to help or make me feel better or fix things or change them or anything. There's no point to it." He crossed his arms over his chest, the bag in his left hand bumping against his right hip. The movement drew attention to how his body had filled out some and lost that underfed look. Whatever she had missed had clearly done him some bit of good physically.

"You don't honestly think that just saying a couple of words now is going to make things all sunshine and daisies between us, do you? Maybe if you had said them back then, back when I fucking needed support, that would have been enough but it's been almost five goddamn months. Tell me, why the hell should I believe what you're saying now?" he nearly snarled, gritting his teeth so that he didn't raise his voice. They hadn't drawn attention yet and he wanted to avoid doing so.

by **Ceara** Thu May 16, 2013 1:41 am

Ceara glanced down when he met her eyes again before dragging them back up. "No, of course I didn't. I don't think it would sit right with me if everything was smoothed out immediately. You have every right to be angry, but I just want to say I really am sorry. For whatever little amount that is worth. I'm more than a few months late, but I'm sorry. "

She sighed and rubbed her neck. "And I don't really have a reason why you should believe me. And honestly, you shouldn't. Not after what I did to you." Ceara closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. This wasn't how she imagined her day would go, but it had to be done eventually. She couldn't put it off for much longer. There were a few moments of tense silence, then, "I wanted so badly to call so many times, you know. Picked up the phone or just spent a while staring at it for god knows how long. But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't, I just couldn't do it." She was getting out these words at a frantic pace, and she took a deep breath, calming down. "I think I was just scared that you would say you hated me. You probably do now, anyway, so that didn't help much," she mumbled, toying with the ends of her hair.

When he didn't respond, she sighed again and made to move around him. "Anyway, yeah... I'm sorry. For saying all those things to you, for not calling, for everything, I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone now, you look like you're doing fine without me." She gave him a weak smile.

by **Andrew** Thu May 16, 2013 4:43 pm

He fought with himself for a few of her steps before he turned a little, staring at the ground. "How could you say any of that? How could you blame me for what he did?" He let out a bitter laugh and scrubbed his free hand over his face. "Can you believe that I was actually stupid enough to think that you really did care for me?" He shook his head. "One would think that I'd have learned by now."

He face her fully and continued before she could say anything. "There are few people that I hate, but you aren't one of them. That doesn't mean that I'm not still hurt and angry, even though I thought I wasn't, and, god help me, I almost want you to hurt too. I almost wish I could make you feel what I went though, but it won't change anything so there's no point." He sighed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back to let the sunlight fall over his skin. "I almost died again," he said softly and basically to see how she would react, if she'd continue walking away or not because that would help him make his final decision regarding what to do with her.

by **Ceara** Thu May 16, 2013 9:48 pm

It was absolutely not the time to smile, but a small one graced her lips as she paused and turned towards him. “You just admitted it was his fault… That’s good.” If him being angry at her allowed him to realize that he wasn’t to blame for everything, then something good came out of the past few months. And if he could transfer some of that hate he had for himself to her, then maybe she could deal with that. Just as long as he stopped being so self-degrading.

The feeling in her chest loosened up when Andrew said he didn’t hate her, despite everything she must’ve put him through. “I know. I don’t blame you, I wish I could go back and do it differently, but I can’t so we’re kinda stuck.”

“I almost died again.”

She blinked, then her eyes narrowed. “What? Andrew, what happened? And don’t you dare refuse to tell me because I ‘don’t care’ about you. Yes, I said a bunch of shit that might’ve said otherwise, ever said something that you didn’t mean because you were pissed or angry or just upset in general? That’s what happened, but that does not mean I don’t still care for you.”

by **Andrew** Thu May 16, 2013 10:07 pm

"A lot has happened," was his initial answer before he lowered his head to look at her again. Green eyes studied her momentarily then he nodded his head to the side and started to walk, meaning for her to follow him.

Andrew led his cousin to a nearby diner and requested an out of the way table. When they were seated, Andrew just ordered for the both of them, getting her her favorite burger and a soda while he got pasta for himself, rather than wait for the waitress to return.

Letting out a soft breath, he started to speak. "After what happened with us, shit just started happening. I haven't been able to get in contact with Aiden and his house has been dark. Marjorie almost walked out on me too because of something with Riley." He had no idea if Ceara knew the younger girl's friend/crush/boyfriend (he wasn't quite sure of their state right at the moment himself). "That was after finding out that she was being forced into prostitution, trying to show her that, which nearly led to her letting me force her - and no, I don't want to talk about that. It's said and done and dealt with. Anyway, after I broke down with that, we had regular sex and it made her feel better about herself so I don't regret it and I don't want to hear about it either. After that, Halt and I had words with the guy forcing her to do that then Halt dropped some words into a Network contact of his. While all of that is going on, I start falling for someone else. Just a crush at the time and his boyfriend just up and vanished on him so he wasn't really up to a relationship and doesn't know that I like him, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, he offered me a room at the house his friend was letting him stay at. It was a few weeks after that that I was with a john and it turned out he had friends who were more interested in beating me and not paying. Trevor stepped in and saved my ass then healed me." He paused as their food was brought out then focused his gaze on his spaghetti. "I quit doing it. And I've been mostly staying at the house so... that's why I'm 'doing fine' - except for the whole not being trusted by anyone that I had cared for back then. Been working on it all though. Things are getting better. Less depression on my end." He shrugged and got a forkful of food, showing that he was done talking.

by **Ceara** Fri May 17, 2013 1:07 am

She finally visibly relaxed when he motioned for her to come with her. Yeah, he was she probably upset with her, but at least all hope wasn't lost. Ceara followed close behind her cousin, smiling slightly when he led her to a diner and ordered her favorite. This was going to take a while, if he had brought her here to talk.

And it did, and she listened silently, fiddling with a sugar packet she took from the box at the end of the table. Ceara struggled to keep up with Andrew's even faster than normal speech, but she ultimately understood what he was saying. Sort of. "...So you had sex with Marjorie twice, I don't know who Halt is but I'm assuming he's a good friend of yours, Trevor saved your ass and now you're living with your crush. Okay... It's good that you're getting better, Andrew, and that you're being surrounded by people who care for you." She gave him a weak smile, reminded that he didn't consider her one of those people, even though she did. He actually had tons of friends, and fortunately started to recognize how many he really had. Unlike her, who, ignoring the various partners and acquaintances she had, didn't have any beyond the people Andrew introduced her to, Andrew himself, though that was shaky right now, and Talia, who rarely had the time to spend with her between her job and steady boyfriend. And maybe Ethan, if you could call what they had a friendship.

"And you living there explains why it was so hard to find you," she mumbled under her breath. It was a big city, running into him (twice, now) was a ridiculous stroke of luck already, but if he was inside her efforts to apologize in person were bound to fail, and evidently did. "I'm glad that you found a place to stay, even though living with your crush seems kind of painful." She grinned, trying to lighten up the mood. "Any chance you're gonna give me his name?"

by **Andrew** Fri May 17, 2013 2:13 pm

He shook his head. "No, just once with Marjorie. I couldn't keep being that rough with her. She was just... going to let me do that. I know what she was thinking - that if she went with it, it would be done sooner and hurt less." He took a bite of his food and chewed slowly. "And yeah, Halt's... we've got a complicated relationship. Met him when I was sixteen. Had sex. He thought I was of age and kind of freaked when he found out I wasn't. Since then it's developed into best friends and family and lovers and protectors... It's a lot of stuff. Though, the lovers bit has stopped between me falling for Trevor and him falling for Doc Rhodes." He shrugged a bit then tilted his head, frowning softly. "You were looking for me? Why not just call?" he asked, nodding slowly and eating as she answered.

"And I guess it's a bit painful, if only because he doesn't know. Mostly, it's... an exercise in control because I'd love to just yank him into a kiss, but I'm pretty sure that would just scare him off. And it's Trevor."

by **Ceara** Fri May 17, 2013 9:21 pm

“Because I wanted to talk to you in person and I didn’t think you would pick up if I called anyway?” She shrugged and took a bite of her burger. “I don’t really know, it made sense when I thought of it,” She mumbled after swallowing. It was a terrible excuse, but it was true and the only one she had. “And that’s good if a bit complicated, about Halt I mean. Though why am I only hearing about him now?” Ceara could tell that Andrew and Halt were close, and even if the two of them had a falling out, she would’ve expected him to at least mention him.

“And it's Trevor.”

She blinked. “Trevor? So that means... I saw Hoss a couple of weeks ago…” She took a sip of her soda to watch his reaction. “And I’m not entirely sure of the whole situation, nor really sure if I should be telling you this because it’s not my place, but he didn’t just leave Trev because he wanted to. He was more or less forced into it.” She wasn’t entirely sure why she was telling her cousin this. To give him fair warning? Having his crush’s ex-boyfriend suddenly pop up again wouldn’t be a nice surprise.

by **Andrew** Fri May 17, 2013 9:46 pm

"I have mentioned Halt before. He's the friend who owns the pawn shop, the one who put me back together after the first couple times I was raped, and the one who made sure I didn't starve or freeze to death when I couldn't find a client or somewhere to stay so I wasn't imposing on him."

He blinked in surprise when she mentioned Hoss. Well, that made it pretty clear that they were talking about the same Trevor - because what were the odds of there being two Trevors in the city that had been dating a guy called Hoss? Even lower than he and his cousin knowing the same guy who also knew someone that she knew as well as someone that Halt knew. He was just trying to figure out why the hell the same few people were meeting in a city of six million and in various places all around the damn place.

Andrew just let out a soft sound, not quite sure whether it was supposed to be of distress or frustration or what, and pushed his plate aside so that he could lean down and put his head on his arms. "Of course. It just fucking figures, doesn't it?" he asked rhetorically, voice muffled.

by **Ceara** Sat May 18, 2013 12:25 pm

"Oh." That was Halt? The apparently humongous giant of a man? Andrew had mentioned him before, this was just the first time she had heard his name. Or alias, whatever. She was still curious why he hadn't introduced the two of them yet, but that was not the point.

"Of course. It just fucking figures, doesn't it?"

She pursed her lips, before hesitantly reaching out with a hand to rest on his arm. "I didn't mean to upset you... Sorry. I just thought it would be better if you knew now than be surprised later, you know. And I don't think you have anything to worry about. Wherever he had been for the past half year, it changed Hoss." He might still act like his normal, jackass self, but there was something off about him now. "I don't think he'll go back to Trevor, or if he did, it won't be to get back together with him." Of course, she had no way of knowing that, but she wanted Andrew to feel better. Living with his crush would be difficult enough already.

by **Andrew** Sat May 18, 2013 10:10 pm

He couldn't help tensing when she touched him, didn't even attempt to actually. After a moment, he slipped his arm out from under her hand and straightened again, wiping the quick flash of distress from his expression already. Not that it mattered much considering her power, but the lack of willingness to show what he was feeling was another indicator to Ceara just how much his trust in her was damaged.

"Yeah, at least you didn't this time, so thanks." He looked down at his food again then sighed softly and pushed it over to her. "Lost my appetite," he said by way of explanation and also as permission for her to eat it if she wanted.

He huffed again and looked out over the rest of the restaurant, not willing to see any potential pity that she might have because it would just make him angry and he really didn't want his mood to get any worse than it already was. He was willing to bet that he wasn't going to be that lucky though - today was just turning out to be one of those days.

by **Ceara** Sat May 25, 2013 2:14 am

She blinked and slid her hand back to her plate, fiddling with her napkin. She saw the look on his face, she knew that what she had done to him had caused a lot of damage, but hopefully it wasn't irreparable. Ceara hadn't hurt him this time, he had stressed. She sighed and twirled a strand of hair around her finger, staring at the plate and then at her burger. She had barely gotten through half of it; usually by this time it would've been gone, especially after how hungry she was earlier. That hunger had gone away, however, as they spoke.

The silence that followed for the next handful of moments was deafening. She didn't pity him, but she did feel that her cousin was not a lucky man to be i his place. Chewing on her lip, she glanced upwards, then scanned the room, a frown on her lips. "I met Lisa," she said after a few more minutes. "How are your shoulder and ribs doing?" And why didn't you tell me you were hurt? she wanted to ask,'but that might start another fight and that was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

by **Andrew** Sat May 25, 2013 7:28 pm

Blinking a bit, Andrew rolled his head on his shoulders to look at her. "Lisa? Oh, Doc Rhodes? She's good people. Dating Halt. He's over the moon for her. Marjorie's staying with her for a while and is being paid to be a gopher. Trevor's kind of apprenticing under her, I guess you could say?" He shrugged a little. "He's learning the kind of things that paramedics know."

He lifted one elbow onto the table and used his arm to prop his head up. "Shoulder and ribs? You're going to have to explain what you're talking about." He got hurt so often after all. He thought she was talking about after getting hit by the car way back around the last time they had spoken. "But I'm fine. Like I said, Trevor healed me. That's kind of an all or nothing thing." He'd ask how she was, but considering what had happened the last time he had, the redhead wasn't willing to deal with it again.

by **Ceara** Sun May 26, 2013 3:09 am

She blinked, lacing her fingers together and setting her chin on them. "Jesus. For such a huge ass city, it's a damn small world," she muttered, "Everyone I know seems to know each other, too." Except maybe Ethan, but she'd never seen him outside other than the time she dragged him out and the times he had visited her since. The blond never really seemed to do anything but eat, occasionally sleep, fight, and train.

Shaking her her head to get herself focused back onto the conversation, Ceara nodded. "I helped her out a little and she bought me dinner, gave me a physical, and got me some things I needed in return. Lisa's one of the nicest people I've met, really." She turned to her burger, taking a bite from it and washing it down with soda when she swallowed. "And about a week after the last time we talked, I think?" Days and weeks and months had passed by fast, she had trouble remembering exactly when it happened. "And that's cool, I guess? I had him heal my arm a while back, but it was just that." Ceara blinked, then fished out her wallet to hand Andrew a few bills. "Give those to him and tell him I'm sorry it's about half a year late. He wasn't there the last time I tried to pay him back."

by **Andrew** Sun May 26, 2013 12:52 pm

He snorted in amusement. "I was just thinking the same thing," he muttered wryly. Starting to nod in agreement, he added, "The doc's a saint. She's one of the few people that I believe wants to help people just to help people and not have an ulterior motive." And that was a number that had only recently grown to use all the fingers of one hand - not that they still belonged to all the same people that they had before. There were only two that had held that status for longer than a handful of months, Lisa and Halt.

"Not so cool. I yelled at him for it. If he's healed you, then you know that Trevor takes on the wounds he heals. I was beaten by three guys who were planning to rape and kill me. Trev got there just before the rape would have happened," he said, accepting the money and pocketing it. Trevor'd probably protest but there wasn't much he could do about it either. "Yeah, he's at his 'clinic' only about half the week now between the house and various shit happening to various people."

by **Ceara** Sun May 26, 2013 7:54 pm

“No, actually, I didn’t know that,” she murmured, rubbing the spot on her arm where the injury was. “He was wearing a jacket, I left right after so I didn’t notice. Wouldn’t have asked him to heal me if I knew.” Ceara frowned, wondering how many wounds he had to take on to feed and clothe himself, especially if he was selling his services for as cheap as he sold them to her. And he had pretty much given them to her for free, because he knew that ‘paying him back later’ for a complete stranger meant it was unlikely that Trevor would ever receive the money.

“Trevor’s a nice guy. Comes off as kind of mean sometimes but he’s nice.” Unlike a certain someone who was just a jackass to her all the time. “You could do much worse.” She met his eyes and smiled hesitantly, sliding his plate back over to his side. She wasn’t about to let him just get away with not eating. “Everything’ll work out, alright? Don’t worry about it.”

by **Andrew** Mon May 27, 2013 9:20 pm

He nodded slowly. That certainly sounded like Trevor. He always tried to hide it and it aggravated both Andrew and Shade that he wouldn't tell them. Conversely, they seemed to know a good deal of the time when he was hurt so it evened out rather well.

"He isn't mean. He's a bit grumpy sometimes, sure, but the main reason he's so off-putting is because he's just as cynical as I am, but he also understands people less. He's... Actually, he and I have a lot in common, just from what I know. And I wouldn't be surprised if there's more that I don't know about." Glancing down at the plate, he nudged it aside to be packed up later. Either he'd eat it or one of his housemates could.

They lapsed into another uncomfortable silence. He just wasn't in the mood to fill it with his normal mindless chatter. He did, however, have something he wanted to know. "So. Do you still think the same as you did before?" He may as well know now so he could know how much he could trust her.

by **Ceara** Tue May 28, 2013 12:44 am

Yeah, cynical sounded about right, judging just from her few encounters with him. Though there was some part of him that was still naive, or at least easily flustered, because of his reaction to how their first meeting ended. Ceara briefly wondered if she should mention that to Andrew, but decided against it. They were on thin ice as it were, and mentioning that she kissed his crush just to piss him off wasn't a good idea. Maybe later when he got things worked out with Trevor.

The next few minutes were filled with uncomfortable silence only broken by the faint clatter of plates and utensils. She fidgeted and poked at the last bits of her meal, not that hungry anymore either. She looked up when he spoke again. "No, I don't. I don't think I ever did anyway." She sighed and rolled her neck, cracking it. "Ever get so upset that you just say things? That's what happened. It's not an excuse, but yeah. I'm not used to caring about what people think of what I do. Tal doesn't like me being in a gang, but as long as I keep her updated she's okay with it. But you..." She huffed and thumped her head down on the table.

by **Andrew** Tue May 28, 2013 1:54 am

He nodded slowly. " 'But I' what?" he asked, curious what she meant despite himself.

"Oh, just so you're aware, not that it's your business though, but I quit. I haven't had sex with anyone in months, and the last few times were all with Halt anyway so that makes it no random people since about mid February. Now you don't have to worry about being disgusted by me or what I do - whichever it really was." He looked aside, jaw clenched a little in irritation with himself. Bringing it up again wasn't going to change things so he should just stop. "Sorry, I should just be letting it go. Ignore that."

Rubbing a hand tiredly over his face, he looked at the table. "And yeah, I have. Gotten mad like that I mean. Thing is, I usually say what I'm thinking or just throw the first punch. There's a reason that I play the happy fool so often," he said with a bitter smile. And if it was really bad, then that punch could end up being more than one and he wasn't always the best at stopping himself once he got going.

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