Re: Reconciliation -- Andrew, Ceara

by **Ceara** Wed May 29, 2013 12:34 am

She paused, propping her chin up on her hand as she looked at him, struggling to word what she was thinking. "You're... my family. You might not consider me part of yours anymore but You still are part of mine. Not just flesh and blood family, but a friend, even though I managed to fuck that up pretty bad, didn't I." She sighed and folded her arms under her head, closing her eyes. "You know when you're doing something wrong and you know you are, but you're enjoying it too much to stop but too ashamed of it to tell anyone? How you just don't want to hear that you're doing something wrong from your friends? …Yeah. I promise I'll tell you soon, what's really going on, but I can't do it just yet, Andrew." She needed time to prepare herself for the shit storm that was bound to happen afterwards.

Her mouth twitched and she glanced up again, settling back into her seat. "Mhm. You have better self-control than me, I just... let my anger out more often, then." That was half the reason why she went to the Arena so often: to blow off some steam on people who could take it.

She folded her hands in her lap, meeting his eyes. "Andrew, you know that I'm sorry, right? It's not going to make things better, or give me an excuse, but I just want you to know."

by **Andrew** Wed May 29, 2013 2:32 am

Andrew sighed softly and looked at her, meeting her eyes. "Ceara, no matter how pissed I might have been, family's family and that's not gonna change. I might not trust you the way I used to, and I doubt you trust me, but there's still a chance we can have a relationship again, be friends again. That's more than can be said for most of the rest of them." He sighed again and looked down. "And I guess it can be called self-control, but I don't view it that way. There's not much to control when over ninety percent of what I fantasize about is the same person, who I'm pretty sure has no idea that I think any of that about him."

He watched her after her apology then nodded slowly. "Alright. Apology accepted. I'm sorry too." After all, as much as she had been more hurtful, he wasn't blameless here either. Plus, that was just how Andrew was. If he could find a way to take the blame for things that he had absolutely nothing to do with, he probably would.

by **Ceara** Sun Jun 02, 2013 1:37 am

She frowned and looked down, staring at the dark blue table in front of her. "I know, but that only counts for the important definition for family. Not just the literal definition. I don't... I don't want you to associate me with your sperm donor and his sorry son of a bitch son. I know that I didn't exactly prove that to you, but I'm just saying that I don't want to be like them." She ran a hand over her face and looked back up, smiling weakly. "But I'm glad that there's a chance we might be okay. And everything will work out with Trevor, Andrew. Don't worry about it."

"Alright. Apology accepted. I'm sorry too."

She blinked and shook her head, though her grin grew wider at his words. Her shoulders relaxed and she exhaled softly. Thank god. "You have nothing to apologize for, Andrew. That was my fault and both you and I know that well." He was always trying to shove the blame off everyone and put it on his own shoulders, but she wasn't going to let him do that this time.

by **Andrew** Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:11 am

Andrew let out a huff of breath through his nose. "You'd have to do a hell of a lot more than you have to be on par with them," he said before twitching a hand in the mimicry of a shrug. "And it's both of our fault. Or did you forget that I looked at something I shouldn't have and didn't drop it when you wanted me to?"

He sighed softly and picked up his fork to start playing with his food again. "So, what have you been up to? Anything of interest? Oh, an congrats on your promotion. You've earned it."

He really wasn't planning to comment on the thing regarding Trevor. Yeah, it might, but then again, it might not. Of course, it would probably tear his heart out if the healer started to date someone else or, and he really hoped this wouldn't happen, he might even meet up with Hoss again and decide to give it another shot. He had no idea what he'd do if anything like that happened, but he was sure that he wouldn't be able to continue living in the same house. It would just hurt too much.

by **Ceara** Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:51 am

She shook her head as well. "Yeah, but I was the one who took it a step farther than that, so it's my fault." She huffed and stared at him when he looked like he was about to protest, effectively shushing him. The two cousins could be very stubborn when they wanted to be - must be a family trait - but she could out-stubborn him easily. He could think all he wanted that it was partially his fault, but she would win this childish victory.

She blinked and sighed, propping her head up on her hand. "No, not really. Just been doing a lot of gang work, and thanks. It's much, much harder now but it's worth it, I think. Tal only has to work one job now, and I'm happy for that." She smiled a little sadly, poking at the bun if her burger. "She has a serious boyfriend now, so we haven't been able to spend that much time together anymore." Ceara hadn't really been spending much time with anyone specific at all, really, unless she counted Ethan, which she didn't, or the occasional visit from Marjorie. "I don't really mind though, she's my best friend, and if she's happy I am too."

by **Andrew** Mon Jun 03, 2013 1:26 am

He rolled his eyes and lifted his hands to show he was conceding to her. There wasn't any point in arguing about it and he didn't want it to escalate any.

"Yeah, I know the feeling. Halt is getting pretty serious with the doc so I've been pretty damn grateful to Trevor for offering me somewhere to stay." His healing the redhead after he had been stupidly wandering around with a bleeding leg wound was something that didn't bear mentioning. Especially since he was sure that Ceara would jump right into lecturing him again and that was something else he not only didn't want to deal with but also wasn't at the point that he'd accept from her. Not yet anyway. Probably not any time soon either. He had no idea.

He tilted his head at her. "So, how about you? Got a crush or boyfriend or something?" Hopefully this wasn't something that would piss her off for him having asked. And if she was still worried about him judging her, then he would just have to point out that it would be pretty damn hypocritical of him to do that considering his own sexual history.

by **Ceara** Tue Jun 04, 2013 1:09 am

She would have to ask about meeting up with this Halt guy eventually, when things improved between the two of them. He had to be a hell of a guy, if he was Andrew's best friend and was dating a person like Doc Rhodes. "Yeah... At least he had a place to stay for all those months.

"So, how about you? Got a crush or boyfriend or something?"

Her face must had looked pretty funny at that point, with the faint flush creeping up her neck and face and eyes staring owlishly at him before she dropped her head to the table, covering it with her arms. "I thought we already talked about this before," she muttered into her arms. "There's someone... Not a crush, not a boyfriend, nothing like that. And that's all you get to know." It wasn't really a matter of who she was discussing it, rather it was more the topic of discussion that made her embarrassed. Sex... was just not something she was comfortable talking about other than the person she was doing it with. Not to mention how she'd imagine his reaction would be to what kind of guy Ethan was, and the other way around. They hadn't met, and she was going to keep them from that for as long as she could manage.

by **Andrew** Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:35 pm

Green eyes blinked then narrowed a little as Andrew tilted his head. "Wait. Are you telling me that all of this happened because you were having casual sex with someone and were too embarrassed to tell me? Or did you think I was going to look down on your or something?" He sighed, lifting one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and close his eyes. His elbow was set on the table to support his head. "Ceara, think about it. That would be pretty fucking hypocritical of me, wouldn't it? You know I got kicked out at fifteen, that I started whoring within six months of that, and that I did it until a few months ago. That's, what, four years? And on top of that, I met Halt when I was sixteen and he and I had been having casual sex from then until a few months ago." He let out a long breath. "I'm not going to go throwing stones. Just, you know, be careful. The only other thing I have to say is if you don't want to fall for this guy, pay attention to your feelings and how you guys act carefully. I didn't want to fall for Halt but I did while we were seventeen. Well, while I was. Halt's older. Anyway, it scared the shit out of me so I made myself ignore it after freaking out and avoiding him for a little while." He met her eyes. "Just, yeah, just be careful. That's all I've got to say. And if he hurts you in a way you don't want and I find him, I'll kill him." That was all there was too it because, lack of trust or not, she was still his cousin and he did still love her.

by **Ceara** Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:25 am

Though her face was still hot, she lifted her head to glance at him. "No, well yes, I'm embarrassed, more than you know, but that's not completely it." Ceara sighed and straightened completely, smoothing her hands through her hair. "Nor did I think you were going to judge me. I know you wouldn't judge me for that kind of stuff. It's more like you wouldn't be exactly happy with who it is and what kind of guy he is. Not that he's a bad person or anything, it's just... I don't know." She shrugged and mirrored his position, leaning her head on her palm.

"And you don't have to worry about that. We're very clear what we want from each other; it'd even be a stretch to call us friends. I'll be careful, but I really don't think it'll be a problem. Neither of us want to be in a relationship at all. I can't see either of us falling in love with anyone, anyway." She smirked a little. "I know how we both feel and if there is even the slightest bit of feelings I'm going to stop it." And she was sure Ethan was smart enough to do the same. Though she was just speaking from assumptions; they had never really discussed this and likely never would. "And don't say things like that, really it's fine. Getting into a fight with him wouldn't be that smart."

by **Andrew** Thu Jun 06, 2013 2:00 pm

Andrew gave her a disbelieving look, clearly not believing her about the judging thing but he wasn't going to push it either. He shrugged a bit. "In case you've forgotten, it's already been covered that I'm not particularly smart myself," he said a bit coolly, letting his hand drop. He was not in the mood for the psychological stuff that she was starting to pull out. Not that intelligent or not, he knew how to read people and get them to feel more connected to you, he had to considering what he had used to do, and small bits of imitation like that were used to gauge interest and make you seem more agreeable.

"And honestly, I don't care if you think that fighting him is a bad idea or not. I mean it. Even though I still don't like fighting, I'm not hiding from myself as much anymore and I've figured out that my dislike isn't from the abuse. It's because I can and would do anything needed for some people." Thankfully, he hadn't been put into a position where he would have to act on that. Not yet at any rate. It was likely only a matter of time considering the city and the gangs.

by **Ceara** Fri Jun 07, 2013 1:43 am

She frowned, sitting up straight. "Not what I meant at all, Andrew, and you know that. You aren't stupid." Ceara sighed and gently rubbed her thigh. "It isn't about you, it's about him. I've fought him before, and he's good. Really good. One of the best I've ever fought before. Remember my leg? He did that, and everything else," she said. "I won, but pretty much by luck. I want a rematch soon though."

Her body relaxed and her frown faded to a small smile. "But that's good, I guess. Hopefully it'll never come to that point, though." Because she had the feeling he would be hard to reason with in that state, and would probably hurt himself in the process. She wondered if she still, if she ever did, count as one of those people he would do anything for. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't consider her one of them, she had definitely broken his trust for her. But hopefully it wasn't permanent and they could fix their relationship eventually.

by **Andrew** Sat Jun 08, 2013 3:33 pm

He snorted again and gave her a flat look. "It might not be what you meant now, but we both know you believe it. You did before and it's not like we've had the contact for you to change your mind since." He shrugged one shoulder, leaning back in his chair and choosing to let the subject go. Same thing with her bed buddy.

"Again, you mean. It's happened a few times. The first was when I was still at the donors' house and I broke Jared's jaw. The most recent was the thing with Kermit." And, yeah, he probably would have done more than he had if not for Halt's presence and his own general mindset at the time.

Lifting a hand, he waved their waitress over. "You want dessert?" he asked, planning to get a slice of apple pie to give to Trevor when he got back to the house. Which reminded him, he still needed to go find that other tea. He looked at his cousin. "Say, do you know somewhere that I can find flavored teas? Specifically, apple."

by **Ceara** Mon Jun 10, 2013 12:51 am

She chewed on her lip. She wanted to tell him that no, she never thought he was stupid. Maybe a little dense sometimes, but never stupid. But the look on his face told her to shut up, and she pressed her lips together before leaning back in her seat as well.

She blinked and leaned forward again at his next words. "Kermit? What happened to Marjorie? I haven't seen her in a while." But if it caused him to act violently, then it couldn't be good. She could only imagine what happened to mini-Andrew to cause him to act in such a way. "Is she alright now?"

Ceara frowned and shook her head at the mention of dessert. Food lover and everything, but she was too concerned with their younger friend to take him up on the offer. But she blinked at his out of place request, her concern temporarily diverted in her confusion. "Uh yeah, there should be a shop like five of six blocks uptown, but why?" Didn't seem like something he would want. Her eyes brightened when understanding dawned. "Oh, for Trevor, right?"

by **Andrew** Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:30 pm

Andrew snorted a bit angrily as he remembered what he had found out. "She had been part of a minor gang in East. That wasn't a problem. The problem was that the head of that gang was one of those dumbasses from North who think they're better than everyone else and can make it big and act like they already are without having anything to back it up. I found out that he was forcing her to... imitate my old 'profession'. She was forced into it but the way he had gotten her to do it all, the way he worded things, she didn't realize that it was rape. He also hit her on occasion." He scowled and leaned back, picking up a sugar packet to toy with. "Also shot her self-confidence all to hell. That was when I showed her she was worthy of being loved then the next day, Halt and I started to work on dealing with the fat bastard. I'm pretty sure that Halt told someone in Network about the smaller gang because last I heard, they were quietly disappearing." He tossed the packet back onto the table. "But yeah, she's fine. Kind of dancing around getting into a relationship with her crush but fine. She's living with and doing a bit of work for Doc Rhodes while getting her feet under her."

Sighing softly, Andrew rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, not meeting her eyes. "And yeah, for Trevor. His birthday is coming up and he likes apples and tea so I figured "why not"?"

by **Ceara** Fri Jun 14, 2013 2:11 am

She sighed and slapped a hand over her face, pinching the bridge of her nose. How long had that been happening? She was afraid to ask, she didn't want to know, really. Ceara really needed to consider changing her policy of using her power on her friends, because if Marjorie was going through all that when she occasionally visited her, then she felt like she could've done something. But no, that wasn't right. The younger girl shouldn't have kept that to herself for as long as she did, but that didn't give Ceara the right to violate her privacy. Though she could only imagine what Andrew must have thought when he found out, and didn't blame him for his reaction at all. "...Okay. As long as she's getting better. I want to talk to her later, though." Just to see for herself.

She picked up the sugar packet and fiddled with it, smiling slightly at her cousin, even though he couldn't see it. "You're so sweet, Andrew. You don't have to be embarrassed. Is that why you're in the East District?" Ceara laughed and slipped the packet back into the little white container at the edge of the table. "Come on then, I'll show you where it is."

by **Andrew** Fri Jun 14, 2013 4:22 pm

His eyebrows raised and he just looked at her. "Yeah, that was kind of how I was feeling when I found out she hadn't said anything. And you're probably thinking the same thing I wanted to know - no, I don't know how long the forced prostitution went on, but I met Carter - the wanna-be gang boss who thought that he could manage as one of the big three - the first day that I met Kermit. So, your guess is as good as mine. And just... be careful talking to her. She's been a bit moody. Almost walked out on me a couple of weeks after what happened between us."

Thanking the waitress when she came back with their boxed food and the extra bit of pie, he pulled out his wallet to pass her some credits and the receipt. "Keep the change," he said as he stood, passing Ceara her box.

"Not sure how that makes me sweet, but okay. And yeah, it is." He reached out to get the door, holding it open for her. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

by **Ceara** Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:12 am

She frowned, but gave him a minute nod. "Yeah, I can understand that. I will," Ceara murmured softly, standing when the waitress came back and smiling politely at her. "Thank you very much." She couldn't help the small smile when her cousin paid for their meal. He really was doing a lot better, much more than even he thought he was. Whatever he was doing now, it was certainly working well for him.

Accepting the box, she stepped out onto the street with Andrew following right behind her and made a left. "No problem. And by that I meant that you're a really thoughtful guy, Andrew. Is the pie for him too?" But her smirk told him that she already knew the answer to that question. "I'm just saying that you're really nice. I can't remember the last time anyone did something like that for me." Except her roommate, but she had been busy and their time together was limited. She had the brief though of Ethan being that thoughtful, but just the idea made her almost laugh.

by **Andrew** Sun Jun 16, 2013 7:28 pm

Well, it wasn't that hard to be doing better now that he could get ingredients and store them instead of needing to purchase individuals meals that were cooked by someone else for him. Not needing to buy condoms and lube anymore helped as well.

He snorted. "Thoughtful? Not really. I still do shit without thinking about it first. But yeah, I try to be for people I care for. And yeah, it is. He really likes apples and never seems to get tired of them." He shrugged a little, absently wishing he had his backpack with him so he could just put everything in it instead of needing to carry it by hand.

The last thing she said made him blink and stop for a little. Jogging the extra few feet, he caught up to her and said, "I did," without looking at her. He rarely had the credits to do it often or to really get what he wanted to, but he had still tried. Sighing softly, he glanced at her then away again, wondering if she'd have anything to say about that.

by **Ceara** Thu Jun 20, 2013 3:06 am

She blinked and twisted around when she realized he wasn't following her anymore, stopping so he could catch up. He was right; he did try to do nice things for her, and what did she do in return? Essentially beat him down in return. She let out a small huff, nodding. "Yeah, you did. Sorry. Not used to it, I told you." She wondered how she could forget about him, with living proof in her living room at this very moment.

Ceara tried to give him a small smile, but quickly realized he wasn't looking at her. The cousins fell into an uncomfortable silence as they made their way to the store. She didn't like it at all; Andrew wasn't supposed to be like this. They weren't supposed to be like this. Conversation between them used to be easy, but now... It only made her feel worse that it was her fault. She reached the shop first, walking in and holding the door open behind her and letting it drop when her cousin was inside. "Haven't been here in a while. The flavored teas should be somewhere near the front."

by **Andrew** Mon Jun 24, 2013 12:48 am

He nodded a bit. It was something he definitely understood not being accustomed to considering how often he looked twice before accepting something.

"Thanks," he said as he slipped past her and stopped a few steps in, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the dimmer interior. He glanced around, smiling lightly at the feel of the little shop, and made his way over to the teas. While he was looking through them, he called over to Ceara. "I know you're more of a coffee person, but do you want a box?"

He paused at that and tilted his head as he frowned at himself in the window's reflection. Why the hell had he slipped back into old habits so easily? Was he really going to just forget about it so quickly? Well, no, he wouldn't forget it, but was he so desperate to have her in his life again that he was going to act like nothing had happened? Then again, what was the point in dwelling on it? It's not like they could change the past.

by **Ceara** Fri Jun 28, 2013 3:09 am

She gave him a small smile and nod, heading towards the opposite side of the tea shop. The shop was small, but relatively successful. Everything was processed by hand, and the elderly couple that owned it tried their hardest to remember their regulars' names. Ceara wasn't one of them, but the woman still smiled warmly at her, recognizing her bright hair.

"I'm just a caffeine person, actually," she chuckled softly, bending down to look at their more exotic teas. "But nah, it's fine. You paid for my meal already. I got it." Ceara peeked over a shelf to smile at him before picking up a small paper box of black tea. After a moment of thought she grabbed another one for her roommate. Setting the small boxes down on the counter, she paid for her own tea before stepping to the side to let her cousin pay.

She did find it a little odd that he was still being nice to her, even after all that she put him through, but she wasn't going to complain. She knew she deserved a lot more hatred than he was giving her, but if he wanted to be like this, then maybe it wouldn't take as long as she thought it would take for their relationship to mend.

by **Andrew** Sat Jul 06, 2013 4:53 pm

He nodded and hummed softly, not arguing with her like he had sometimes done before. He ended up saying screw it and getting a few more boxes for other people in addition to the apple one for Trevor; one was a box of strawberry for Halt, chocolate flavored green tea for Lisa, and a mint flavor for Marjorie. As he moved to the counter, he glanced at the sets and individual cups that were on display, deciding that he'd come back some other time to get started on his Christmas shopping.

After he had paid and they were on the street again, Andrew turned to his cousin and just watched her for a little. "So, what now?" he asked, knowing that she would know he didn't mean right this minute but rather in general. He wasn't sure what she wanted to do, at all. Especially since he apparently couldn't read her as well as he had used to think he could. Was she actually going to want to try and fix things or was today just a fluke and she was going to forget about him and go on pretending that he didn't exist again?

by **Ceara** Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:05 am

She smiled when she noticed him pick out so many flavors, presumably for different people. He was here shopping for Trevor, yet he always remembered his friends. Ceara could only wish that they felt the same way about him, because he deserved the same from them. She hadn't done a very good job of that herself, but she intended to quickly rectify that as soon as she could.

Ceara followed him out the door, smiling at the woman behind the counter and nodding a goodbye and thanks. She intended to head down the street, but stopped when Andrew did. "Oh, uh..." That was a good question. She didn't have anything else planned for the day, so she was free to spend it with him. But only if he allowed it, and if they found something to do. She didn't quite feel like they could simply just sit down and talk for long periods of time like they used to. "I'm free, so... I guess you'd probably want to put your things away, especially that," she gestured to the pie, "Want to show me your new place? If that's alright."

by **Andrew** Sat Jul 20, 2013 11:47 pm

Raising his eyebrows, he tilted his head at her before nodding slowly. It made sense, and she was right, he really should get the pie into the fridge before it had a chance to start to spoil, especially with the warmer temperatures. "Alright. Sounds fair enough. It's in North though so I don't know if you want to walk or take the bus," he said, trailing off with a questioning tone.

Her answer gained another nod from the redhead and he fell into step next to her as they made their way to their destination. The silence was starting to grow awkward and, while he still couldn't be bothered to be cheerful right now, that didn't mean he had a problem with breaking it. It always felt suffocating to him when it wasn't a comfortable silence. "So, did you hear about those kidnappings?" he asked, voicing the first thing that came to mind. That they were passing a newsstand that was still displaying papers with articles about it, or more specifically the edicts the Council had passed in response to the crimes, might have had something to do with the subject.

by **Ceara** Mon Jul 22, 2013 4:19 pm

"The bus, then." She wasn't going to admit it, but her muscles were still sore from the night before. That would only cause him to be concerned, or another argument, this time over injuring herself over stupid things, and she didn't want either of those options to happen.

"So, did you hear about those kidnappings?"

She turned toward him, raising an eyebrow before following his gaze to the newsstand. "It's kind of hard to avoid it. The curfew is a pain in the ass but it's tolerable, I guess. I'm kind of worried about Marjorie - she has places to stay, right?" Ceara usually was someone that believed that anyone at any age should have the right to do what they want so long as they knew all the consequences, but she hoped that the younger girl was smart enough to know that the kidnappings were a serious issue. So many in such a long time did not make it a coincidence.

They arrived at the bus stop a few minutes later, seconds before it pulled into the stop. Ceara paid for her ride before heading to the back.

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